CHAPTER SIXTEEN
"Why does this sound bad?" I asked nervously.
God smiled. "This isn't bad, Trace. I simply need you to understand something."
"What is—Whoa." We were suddenly seated on my grandmother's front porch swing. A gentle breeze blew through my hair and gave me the chills. God put an arm around my shoulder and sighed. "Even if I sent you back, fully alive, to be with Max, I couldn't guarantee he would love you the way you love him."
"What do you mean, fully alive?"
"I mean you could go back to your life from the age of eighteen and live it all over again."
"Yes!" I said eagerly.
"Wait, Trace. If that were to happen, you would lose all knowledge that you've gained throughout your life. You'd have to go to college all over again, you'd have to work for everything that you had before you died."
I grimaced. I hadn't thought of all the consequences. "So, you couldn't even guarantee that I'd get into that really competitive internship during my senior year of college?"
He shook his head, and I gulped. "So my awesome, super high-paying job I got right out of grad school?"
God shrugged. "You may still get it."
"What about my dad? Did I save his life?" He didn't answer right away, so I begged, "Please! Tell me I saved him. If I go back, can I have more time with him?"
"It isn't clear yet."
"What kind of answer is that?" I hollered, jumping up off the bench. "You're God! Can't you just blink and make it happen?"
He raised his eyebrow. "First off, I am not a magician. Second, I can't force your father to keep the appointment with his doctor. However, if he does go, I have a feeling he'll live a long, healthy life."
Another thing worried me. "W-what about me? Will I die in that crash when I'm forty-six?"
I stared at him hopefully, but the sad look he gave me told me everything. "I will, won't I? So if Max and I have a relationship and if we got married or whatever, he'd lose me when we're only forty-six."
There was a long pause before he spoke. "The accident that claimed your life affected not only you, but the young man whose vehicle hit your motorcycle. I cannot allow your decisions now to alter his path. After the accident, that man began to go to church, and finally accepted Christ."
Anger spiked through me. "What? I have to die to get him to believe? That's not fair! I should be able to be with Max. He's good. He's not some irresponsible kid you—"
"Want to save?" He sat forward and continued, "I want to save all of my children, Trace. Every. Last. One. Unfortunately, there are those who will not see the light."
That reminded me of the carnifex I'd met in the alley, and who'd given me Lucifer. "Can I ask you something?" When he nodded, I cleared my throat. "It's about…Pentus. Why did you cast him down?"
He stared into the distance. "That is between Pentus and myself."
"And Philip," I mumbled. "Would you ever take Pentus back?"
"That is not done."
"Why? What if he begged you?"
"He did," he answered with a weary sigh. "But his sins against me were great, indeed. It would take a miracle to undo Pentus' wrongs."
"Isn't your son good at those?" I asked with a wry smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Jesus keeps busy protecting the weak, ill, and all those unable to care for themselves. I don't forsake those who cannot comprehend the meaning of believing in me."
"So…like babies and crazy people?"
"Among others."
"So the whole Catholic thing about babies going to limbo if they're not baptized?"
It was his turn to laugh. "Absolute nonsense. Where some people get their ideas is beyond even me. But, I think it's time you were returning to Max."
"What? No! I'm still so confused. If I return now, when will you take me away again?"
"You need time to think, Trace. Look into your heart and make a decision. Remember, I cannot guarantee your path if you chose to return to earth as a mortal. Seek Michael and Philip for guidance."
"But I can't decide. It's too hard." I fell to my knees and wept.
"Trace?" Max's voice barely registered, so he shook me gently. "Trace? What's wrong, man?"
"Nothing." I sat up quickly and scrubbed at my eyes.
"But your eyes…are you crying?"
I had to think fast. "No," I said with a laugh. "I just bit my cheek. A little freaked out of what your mother was going to do. I'm sorry if you got in trouble."
He seemed to buy the lie. "Nah. She was embarrassed to have barged in. I'm a big boy and she knows I'm gay. She just didn't know that I had a friend over. We probably should cool it, though, since they're...listening."
A deep red blush crept up his neck and I felt something catch fire deep inside me. I needed to be closer to him. The hair on the back of his neck looked soft and my fingers itched to touch it. I reached out slowly and rubbed my hand against the short, dark strands.
My fire was quickly doused when Max's mom called up to us. "Why is there a kitten sitting on Gio's head?"
God smiled. "This isn't bad, Trace. I simply need you to understand something."
"What is—Whoa." We were suddenly seated on my grandmother's front porch swing. A gentle breeze blew through my hair and gave me the chills. God put an arm around my shoulder and sighed. "Even if I sent you back, fully alive, to be with Max, I couldn't guarantee he would love you the way you love him."
"What do you mean, fully alive?"
"I mean you could go back to your life from the age of eighteen and live it all over again."
"Yes!" I said eagerly.
"Wait, Trace. If that were to happen, you would lose all knowledge that you've gained throughout your life. You'd have to go to college all over again, you'd have to work for everything that you had before you died."
I grimaced. I hadn't thought of all the consequences. "So, you couldn't even guarantee that I'd get into that really competitive internship during my senior year of college?"
He shook his head, and I gulped. "So my awesome, super high-paying job I got right out of grad school?"
God shrugged. "You may still get it."
"What about my dad? Did I save his life?" He didn't answer right away, so I begged, "Please! Tell me I saved him. If I go back, can I have more time with him?"
"It isn't clear yet."
"What kind of answer is that?" I hollered, jumping up off the bench. "You're God! Can't you just blink and make it happen?"
He raised his eyebrow. "First off, I am not a magician. Second, I can't force your father to keep the appointment with his doctor. However, if he does go, I have a feeling he'll live a long, healthy life."
Another thing worried me. "W-what about me? Will I die in that crash when I'm forty-six?"
I stared at him hopefully, but the sad look he gave me told me everything. "I will, won't I? So if Max and I have a relationship and if we got married or whatever, he'd lose me when we're only forty-six."
There was a long pause before he spoke. "The accident that claimed your life affected not only you, but the young man whose vehicle hit your motorcycle. I cannot allow your decisions now to alter his path. After the accident, that man began to go to church, and finally accepted Christ."
Anger spiked through me. "What? I have to die to get him to believe? That's not fair! I should be able to be with Max. He's good. He's not some irresponsible kid you—"
"Want to save?" He sat forward and continued, "I want to save all of my children, Trace. Every. Last. One. Unfortunately, there are those who will not see the light."
That reminded me of the carnifex I'd met in the alley, and who'd given me Lucifer. "Can I ask you something?" When he nodded, I cleared my throat. "It's about…Pentus. Why did you cast him down?"
He stared into the distance. "That is between Pentus and myself."
"And Philip," I mumbled. "Would you ever take Pentus back?"
"That is not done."
"Why? What if he begged you?"
"He did," he answered with a weary sigh. "But his sins against me were great, indeed. It would take a miracle to undo Pentus' wrongs."
"Isn't your son good at those?" I asked with a wry smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Jesus keeps busy protecting the weak, ill, and all those unable to care for themselves. I don't forsake those who cannot comprehend the meaning of believing in me."
"So…like babies and crazy people?"
"Among others."
"So the whole Catholic thing about babies going to limbo if they're not baptized?"
It was his turn to laugh. "Absolute nonsense. Where some people get their ideas is beyond even me. But, I think it's time you were returning to Max."
"What? No! I'm still so confused. If I return now, when will you take me away again?"
"You need time to think, Trace. Look into your heart and make a decision. Remember, I cannot guarantee your path if you chose to return to earth as a mortal. Seek Michael and Philip for guidance."
"But I can't decide. It's too hard." I fell to my knees and wept.
********************
"Trace?" Max's voice barely registered, so he shook me gently. "Trace? What's wrong, man?"
"Nothing." I sat up quickly and scrubbed at my eyes.
"But your eyes…are you crying?"
I had to think fast. "No," I said with a laugh. "I just bit my cheek. A little freaked out of what your mother was going to do. I'm sorry if you got in trouble."
He seemed to buy the lie. "Nah. She was embarrassed to have barged in. I'm a big boy and she knows I'm gay. She just didn't know that I had a friend over. We probably should cool it, though, since they're...listening."
A deep red blush crept up his neck and I felt something catch fire deep inside me. I needed to be closer to him. The hair on the back of his neck looked soft and my fingers itched to touch it. I reached out slowly and rubbed my hand against the short, dark strands.
My fire was quickly doused when Max's mom called up to us. "Why is there a kitten sitting on Gio's head?"
To be continued...
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